Miami Hurricane, March 29, 1946

              The Miami
ist
Hooeycane
Co**^ARLES, FlOMO^m55^97
1946
No. 21
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This Is The ABYSS
1946 ABYSS To Be In 2 Parts So There, Too
The 1946 edition of the Abyss, student yearbook, will be available this afternoon at 3 o’clock in the patio, Better Sew Tailor, editor-on-rellef, announced yesterday.
“We are weeks and weeks and weens ahead of schedule,” said Better Sew, “simply because everyone cooperated so nicely getting stories in and showing up on time for picture appointments. My mother thanks you, my boyfriend thanks you, and I do, too.”
The amount of material included made it necessary to publish the Abyss in two volumes. Volume one contains Administration, Classes, and several blank pages. Sports, Fraternities, and Peckmore’s picks for the beauty section are found in Volume two.
Publications adviser Sighmann Lag er Hamberger said that Miss Tailor followed a definite pattern whin she designed the book and he feels confident that there has never been another yearbook like it.
Social Calendar
Hiccup Or Hkcdown-Tt Be Or Not To Be-
First in a series of square table discussions on the proverbial “hic-congh” will be held by five outspoken authorities, Dr. H. Franklin Millions, Dr. Carlton T-bone, Dr. Circus Barker, Dr. John S. Snif-ford and Dr. Leon B. Dater at the Sunday morning meeting of the Hic-spanic society at the Dear Hall.
The ups and downs of the subject will be discussed and means tnought of to combat this increasing menace to propriety.
Dr. T-bone will attempt to disprove the aged theory that hiccoughs may be cured if the afflicted party holds his breath for two hours.
Investigate methods will be used in the experiment by Dr. Dater to conclude whether H20 is affective in drowning man’s only means of contracting his diaphram, while still «dosing his glottis, therefore preventing the entrance of any air, and at the same time striking the closed glottis with entering air in order to produce—the hiccough.
Coral Gobi— Branch
M07 Ponce do Loon Bird.
Start Here
Beginning Monday morning classes will meet on the new campus, it was announced by Dr. Jay F. W. Drew Pearson, clean of the faculty. (Linotype operator's note: THIS is a JOKE!)
Classrooms in the new buildings are equipped with beer and cigaret machines, as well as red plush love-seats for the desks. As an accommodation for married veterans whose turn it is to keep the baby, desks have crib attachments. These attachments can also be used for holding crib notes for unmarried students who have no children to speak of.
Ashe Burns With Enthusiasm When questioned by a raving reporter, Dr. Burned To Ashe, president of the institution, stroked his bald head and declared emphatically, “Let it snow, let it snow, and furthermore, let it snow!”
Sorority and fraternity houses, as originally announced, are situated around the lake. Each house has newly designed, king-size ice-boxes for ruhees instead of the previously used hot-boxes.
Jort Challenges Students Dr. Swelter V. Jort, dean of something, sent a mimeographed challenge to each of the 10,000 students concerning his mental attitude toward the new campus. (Editor’s note: His secretary, Mrs. Margaret Basement, really sent them, he just signed them.) Dr. Jort has asked that anyone not carrying at least one credit help carry over some of the office furniture. Also included in the message was the request that students keep their cigaret butts off the Iroadloom carpets that run up and down the halls of the new
buildings.
For some time now,” stated Dr. Ashe, “architects have doodled over blueprints, we have had expansion drives driven by competent drivers, and we have all wondered if the ground would be broken before we were. No longer just a dream, our campus site is now a ^lity, and surely no one can deny that our campus in reality is a sight! ”	••
(lasses Will Be HeM Al New Campus Monday - Hubba, Hub
By BUD DOWLEN
:30 s.m.: Reveille for faculty.
5:45 a-u.: Faculty patrols halls and streets maintaining silence for students' rest.
•:#8 a.m.: Faculty draw curtains in students’ room*, silence remaining.
7:66 am: Station wagon sent to Biltmore for cooks and maid*.
6:66 am: Faculty proceed gently and quietly to arouse students from sleep.
8:38 am: Brunch in bed for students; curtains may be drawn upon request.
18:66 a.m: Bubble bath and massage, followed by sunbathing.
11:66 am: Cocktails and chilled beer served upon request. (Because of the shortage of beer we are forced to limit each young lady to 20 bottles or 35 glasses.)
12:66 noon: Sunbathing continuous and matinee in lounge of San Bastile. (Matinee features Shirley Temple and Boris Karloff in “This Thing Called Love.”)
1:66 pm: Faculty proceed to sun deck with prepared short lectures on “How To Hold 'f our Husband” or “Why Go Out Nights?”
2:60 pm: Station wagons pick up students and proceed to the Hac-Radden Doughville for lessons in swimming, diving, and proper methods of relaxing.
3:00 pm: All students assemble in the Comingo Bar for refreshments.
5:00 pm: Refreshments over, assistants will proceed to Comingo Bar with plush stretchers to assist the most relaxed.
6:00 pm: Upon arrival “SOP” all faculty shall gently bathe students' heads with iced clothes.
7:00 pm: Dinner served in suites.
8:00 pm: Ladies with dates shall find them conversing in bar.
9:00 p.m: Students on their own; must amuse themselves.
4:36 a.m. (next day): Faculty shall arise and assist students to suites, taking special care in tucking them In, a coffee or Bromo upon request
PHONE 2-5928
Smart Clothet	Stetton Hate
Van Heuten Shirtt
SINCE 1896
A. Louis & Son
MEITS WEAR
117 EAST FLAGLEB STREET MIAMI 32, FLORIDA
SAE Decides To Let Other Fraternities Join Council
Sigma Alpha Epsilon, after much consideration and deliberation, admitted the six local fraternities to the intersecurity council yesterday. SAE denied the guidance and aid offered by Dean Falter in reaching this decision.
Sigma Alpha Epsilon issued the following rules to the six campus fraternities which it has decided to admit to the council:
1) each fraternity may have one-
Students To Get Free Typewriters
Announcement has been made by Mr. Q. Talcum Feal, registrar elect, that each regularly enrolled student may receive upon shipment next week one of the 5,006 new typewriters. Students desiring typewriters should appear after a special 10:10 ringing of the bells
MIAMI, FLORIDA 144 EAST FLACLER STREET
at the zoology lab, room 006, and present evidence of their collar sizes.
Students whose names begin with A-M will receive typewriters with N thru Z keyboards, and names beginning with N-Z will receive those having &-@ keyboards. (First or last names may be used to secure the desired typewriter.)
fourth vote on all council matters.
2)	each fraternity may pledge fare members every three years.
3)	each ffatemity may be allowed to date one Hi O per week provided that the Gammas’ don’t issue an ultimatum.
4)	each fraternity on campus may submit the name of one candidate for entry in the Abyss beauty section ea<\ year. (Football players excluded.)
5)	SAE is entitled to five votes per member at council rulings.
6)	SAE has agreed to limit its membership to 500 students per year, pledges excluded.
Turner's Sport Shop
40 S. E. FIRST STREET
Sheet Music, Recent*.
Amidon's
Miami: 330 S. E. 1« Sl CoaAL Casus: 230 Alhaashra Ciccia
Thiel Meters
Sales • CHEVROLET • Service 2107 Ponce de Leon Blvd. Phone 48-2118 FLAMINGO TIRE CO.
2100 Ponce de Leon Blvd. Phone 4-2717 ROAD SERVICE
CastU «/ JBeflBfy
OFFERS
PERMANENTS of
DISTINCTION
Hair Tinting At Its Ben Under Supervision •/
JIMMIE REID
Formerly Associated
CHEZ MARIE
Permanents 17.58 to $30 Readying Shampoo and Set LM Open Eveniap by Appointment Phone 48-3855 Stndio 808 Dongle* Entrance S. W. 8th ST. ex 37th AVE.
Coral Gable*
Gilpin's CAMERA Store
EVERYTHING THAT IS AVAILABLE IN PHOTOGRAPHIC SUPPLIES
TEL 2-0463 e MIAMI SI FUL 159 S. E. FIRST STREET
PHONE 4-8579	ED HAS8EN
HOWARD JOHNSON'S
STEAKS a CHOPS • SPAGHETTI FRIED CLAMS e FRIED SHRIMP ICE CREAMS
3727 a W. EIGHTH STREET	CORAL G
FLA
Gables Paradise
RESTAURANT and FOUNTAIN
OPEN 11 AM. TO 20« AM.
fee Cream to Take Out
3800 S. W. Ora STREET. TAMIAMI TRAIL PHONE 48-3346	MIAMI, FLORIDA