Miami Hurricane, April 01, 1940

              The Miami
Hooeycane
THE OFFICIAL STUDENT N E W S P APE R OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
Volume XIII
Coral Gables, Florida, April 1 1940
Number 24
Students 'Storm Polls’
€
Thursday F or Elections
Tuesday’s the big day! Yessiree. That’s the long-awaited day when sutdents are going to get cornered, kisseli,' their backs patted, and mobbed. You guessed it. It’s Election Day. Voting will take place in Room 224 from 8:30 to 3:30, and Ray Ford-ham and the Honor Court, which is going to come out of hibernation for the hostilities, will have charge of the polls.
Running for student body president and jumping into their campaigns with as much fervor as they ever used when getting into a cold shower are Tom Hilbish, “Don’t be a fish, vote for Hilbish”; Charles Franklin, “Elect Charlie Franklin, look what Ben did”; and Lloyd Whyte, “For a good clean fight, vote for Whyte.”
Vote! Vote! Vote!
Asking for it in the neck are the candidates who are always accused of trying to assassinate the president, i.e. vice-president. They are Jeanne Girton and Winnie Wood.
For the office of secretary, Helene Putnam and Patty Hollarn will fight it out, the rounds being tabulated in “minutes.”
Seymour Simon will have an awful battle to defeat Seymour Simon for the office of treasurer. Both boyB are planning a terrific campaign and will start as soon as they can get together on the rules.
Rah, Rah, Rah!
Dave Phillips also has nothing to worry about, since they told A1 Lehr-man he shouldn’t try to sneak in under the wire that way. Also in this classification is one Errol Mestrezat, who has the distinction of running for the least useful office in school, that of prosecuting attorney.
Strutting along at the end of the procession are the slightly bedraggled candidates for Associate Justice: Elaine Devery, Catherine Hefinger, A1 Lane, Irving Lebowitz, Beryle Mc-Cluney, Bill Reynolds and Dick Tucker. But they don’t have much to worry about either—six of them will get elected. Disqualified in the mad scramble were Wallace Penney, Jacques Wilson, and Jim Gilmore.
Give me a drag on that before you throw it away.
New National Inducts Members Into Ranks Before German Club
Mid-TermExam Called Oft by Administration
Mid-terms are called off.
This surprise announcement came from Dr. Ashe’s office last night following a meeting of administration officials and faculty members. No grades will be given at the end of the semester, as all examinations have been abolished.
The committee also made other drastic changes and improvements, which will be inaugurated next September, including no tuition fee, no entrance requirements, and unlimited cuts.
Most saddening of all changes made, however, was the cutting of teachers’ salaries, who will receive no financial remuneration for their services. Free will offerings can be made to the faculty by students, as a plate will be passed at the end of each class lecture.
New courses added to the regular curriculum are Slop Shop 101, Patio 201, Beach Bathing, Romance 301 (no prerequisites needed), Principles of Class Cutting, Cocktail Sipping, and Surf Riding.
Needless to say, Registrar Harry Provin expects a record enrollment. Here, have a drag on this before I throw it away.
Miami Debaters Beat Harvard Girls Team
Miami’s rough and ready debate team won another horrific verbal battle several weeks ago, when the affirmative team of Rightway Corrigan and Irving Gehringer Lebowitz defeated a group of young ladies from Harvard.
The question on which the debaters argued was: “Resolved that American women should wear shorter skirts,” and the affirmative won a unanimous audience decision. So complete was the affirmative victory that /the audience adopted a resolution that* the garment be done away with entirely. With the exception of the negative, the debaters agreed absolutely. (We probably forgot to mention, the audience was entirely masculine.) Here, have a drag on this before I throw it away.
"Uncle Remus" World Premiere Spellbinds Sucker Audience
By Polka Twelve
The University Players’ version of “A Selected Short Subject from Uncle Remus” adapted for the stage was an instantaneous success as far as the audience was concerned. Deeply appreciative shoilts swelled out from all sides nnd Jitters Croonior will now add her burp to the general conflagration.
Smackswell Smacks Lean Smear-vin made his thirty-fifth farewell appearance as the title character, his darky dialect being of the first water. As the Little Boy to whom Uncle Remus relates his bearded dialogue; one Hooter Bonkonsinko provided the proper naivete to accept even the tripe Smearvin dishes out. These two have a conversation in the first scene which is priceless for its euphemistic value. Unde Remus tells the Little Boy that he can have his choice of heaven or the Old Mill when he dies.
Scenic effects must be complimented in the net act. The Indian totem pole surmounted by a disappearing plaque in the center of the stage had an eerie effect on the audience, each of whom had paid an even hundred dollars for their admission tickets. This act represented o dramatization of the fable which the Remus ancestor was busy inflicting on his pale-face progeny. It was well-done and very dainty.
Example of perfect casting was Ted Wayne as Bre’r Weasel, villain of the piece. He’s been hanging around the dramatics department so long that they finally cut down his ears and used him in a production.
“Bunny” Lovett as Bre’r Rabbit (even if he can’t act, he’s got a perfect nom de theatre) and Sadell Rie-kell as Bre’r Fox (they ran out of
brethren so they drafted the feminine contingent left over from the women’s dark corners to fill out the cast. Oh, excusez-moi, Dr. Reinholdd was also in the cast. After all who else in school (with the possible exception of Elsasser) could play the part of Bre’r Wolf.
As for the hundred dollar admission prcie, it amost was seventy-five dollars more. But the audience decided that a hundred dollars was enough to pay, especially since there were no real Indians in the scene with the totem pole and no fancy dress costumes were required, the extra admission price Was unjustified. Which is just about the same thing as can said for the play.
Ibis Out Tuesday; Biggest in History
Because of a slight delay in the binding, the 1940 Ibis will not be out until Tuesday noon instead of Tuesday at 11:45, according to John Hop-Ikins, editor.
“Work is entirely complete,” Hopkins added gleefully. “It’s just the 'cover that gave us a little trouble. ¡It’s muselebound,”
The book this year is bigger than ever before, and resembles a padded edition of Anthony Adverse—in size only. They will be distributed in the boiler room, where the football boys will be on hand to help you lug your copy to your car.
All copy was in two months ahead of the deadline set by Hopkins, even to the picture captions. Special credit is due to Claud Corrigan and Elaine Preston who had their assignments in three months ahead of schedule, then rushed out and round-
Stewed-nt oi the Month
W—.1
Theodore Wayne
iote ear«, see play review
Orchestra Surpasses Unsurpassed Concert Says Chaliingdsh
The University of Miami Philharmonic scored another smash hit in its concert at Symphony Hall last night. Under the guidance of that peerless conductor, Watchout Below, the young musicians again surpassed the unsurpassed playing of their last concert.
The program opened with Broward Bransen’s 12th, “Appoplectic,” symphony. This symphony is a radical, if not subversive work and is scored for six oboes, fog horn, and triangle, in addition to the usual strings, winds, and tympani.
The first movement opens with a great sigh, as if of despair, from the muted strings. This is then taken up by the snoring oboe. The thematic material is built up till a climax of joy, despair, and “weltschmertz” is reached. Meanwhile, the oboes snore
The second movement is a delightful scherzando which is mainly devoted to trills in the French horn and bass tuba. This passage was superbly executed by Vaseline Blurpedeft and Harold Itch.
In the third and final movement, the snoring oboes are again heard, this time in a “fuggeto.” This occurs when Lenny Stinkus forgets to repeat from “G” and Vic Bungallow does not. A lovely passage follows in which Maestro Below has a solo without orchestral accompaniment. His baton technique is ravishing and he tears his hair most fetchingly. After a brief denouement, the finale is reached and a great sigh, as if of relief, fills the audience.
The evening’s soloist, the internationally known kazoolst, Pregor Get-ahorsky, made his first Miami appearance after the intermission. Mr. Get-ahorsky, accompanied by the orchestra, delivered himself of Mozart’s kazoo concerto in G flat. This work has all the aplomb, savoir faire, and R.S.V.P. of courtly 19th century grace. Mr. Getahorsky performed with immaculate artistry, consummate skill, and impeccable musicianship. As thp music rose to abyssmal heights, the audience, to the last blasé intelectual in the gallery, was held spellbound. The performance was marred, however, by Mr. Geta-horsky’s left shoelace, which became untied in the last movement.
The soloist was roundly bravoed and applauded. As an encore, he played “Old Zip Coon,” with the entire audience joining in the second chorus and a special lick by Lew Heeley.	^
The concluding number by the orchestra was the entracte to “The Flying Chinaman” by Wagner. Mr. Wagner is well-konwn to radio audiences for his popular hit, “Wagner Wheels.” The music portrayed with almost realistic vividness the Chinaman’s flight. The effect was created by two bassoons and an airplane motor.
The thematic material was built up to a climax of joy, despair, and weltschmertz.” The final chord awoke the oboes as the audience quietly passed out.
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All Student Ass’n Officers RemovedExceptFordham As Gramby Presses Charge
Missing Indian Tribal Jackets Traced to U.
Chief Lemuel Colacola, local chief of the Loco Indians, reported to police headquarters yesterday that about a dozen of his patchiest, loudest tribal jackets have disappeared.
Local slei^ths have tracked said jackets to the den of those Iron men of the Iron Arrow who ironically enough rule with an iron hand, Ford-ham and Hillstead. Hillstead immediately proceeded to iron things out.
“We did it with our little Iron Arrow,” said he. “After all, we can’t go around in rags, can we? That’s the truth and it was for good motives, too. You can’t libel this thing on us. Mr. Hochberger says so.”
When asked about paying for the jackets, Hillstead said “Let 'urn petition the senate. That’s what we did ■and look what happened!”
Then the sleuths got tough. “Lis-sun, bud,” said the big one. “How about that hundred dbijar plaque last year? What ever happened . ..” ‘No no!” Fordham interrupted hastily. “Not that, not that! We’ll pay for everything!” Here, have a drag on this before I throw it away.
By Administration Hospitalization Ok’d
After months of begging, pleading, and whining, J. Wilson, pappy of all Hospitalization plans, has announced the complete arrangements for Hospitalization here. At last Mr. W. has been successful in forcing the administration to see his way and approve the plan.
Here is the gist of the matter. Each University student will pay 25c as part of his activity fee for each semester. For this sum he will be entitled to any threee months of any year in the hospital. A slight extra charge will be made to students who wish to designate the type and coloring of their nurses. A student can just go to the hospital to live on vacation without worrying about finances.
Wilson elucidates thusly: “worry about finances is what puts students to bed. If they worry about finances while in bed they’ll never get out. This plan cures worry about finances. It finances worry. If they worry about finances—oh I said that before. Here, have a drag on this before I throw it away.”
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this ain’t him
Do You Want To Go To Tampa? See This For All The Details
Unique in the history of the University of Miami was the method used this year in choice of delegates to the Florida Intercollegiate Press Association, and the Florida Student Government Association, to be held this year in Tampa, with some odds and ends from the University attending.
The selection of Miami representatives by the President and a few outsiders had all the elements of a three-ring blind man’s bluff. What fun. The method was to ask any and all persons met with during the selecting process questions like the following:
Do yu own a car? Have you ever been in either the Hurricane or the Ibis staff offices? How long did you stand it? Do you own a car? Well, do you think you can get one? Have you ever run for president of the student body? Do you think you’ll get elected? Do you have any intentions of being editor of a student publication?
Unless a majority of the above questions were answered and the last one was not answered, the candidate for delegate was automatically scrapped.
Since the delegation was still about three men short, the merry little autos went traipsing from filling station to filling station looking for likely prospects, asking them their foolish questions and taking them along. Here, have a drag on this before I throw it away.
TAPPA KEG IMBIBES
Tappa Keg, national honorary and social fraternity, inducted twelve members of Phi Alpha, local local, yesterday afternoon in the Social Hall. Robert L. Rigney, president, announced that the chapter will be known as Tau Epsilon Phi and will continue to maintain its fraternity house on the fifth floor of the girls’ dormitory.
SM0 GRAMBY, f.sxw. TRANSFER, NEXT PREXY;GEtS 498 OUtOF 500 VOtESf
Sorry, Ran Out of T’«
Elmo Gramby, the candidate with sex appeal, will be the next president of the student body following the elections Tuesday if voters follow their choices in the Hurricane straw ballot taken yesterday. Elmo, a transfer from Florida State at Tallahassee, received 498 votes out of 500 students interviewed by members of the staff.
Johnny Kurucza is slated for the runner-up post, since he received the other two votes. The Hurricane reminds the student body that this was a pre-election poll. Don’t forget what happened to the Literary Digest. We haven’t.
The other candidates, Charles Franklin and Thomas Hilbish did not poll any votes, and are nto conceded even an outside chance. Lloyd Whyte was not even mentioned by either interviewers or students. After all, the poor lad hasn’t begun his campaign yet.
We might add in passing that Gramby is a second cousin of John Alden Clark, III, who almost ran
away with the elections last year until disqualified at the last moment. Here, have a drag on this before I throw it away.
In a circular seven feet long, Elmo Gramby charged all officers of the Student Association with malfeasance, misdemeanors, and mumps. He recommended that all the officers be impeached for these reasons. An exception to his sweeping purge demand was Raymond Fordham. Gramby exonerates him from all charges, but insists on his removal because of the contaminating influence of the rest of the senate on so high a moral character.
With definite and undefeatable evidence he proved every charge made. Charlotte Megg’s drunken babble after imbibing three quarts of rum at a WCTU social is recorded on Gram-by’s dictaphone. Also recorded is a confession from Dotty Ashe stating that she can not and never could write. Robert Hillstead beat Gramby to the punch by going to jail before he could be impeached. Gramby had intended to prove that Hillstead couldn’t add. The detectives found it a much simpler matter to find he could subtract.
Madigoon Out
Jack Madigan’s obvious lack of interest in all Senate proceedings is mentioned in Gramby’s bill of sale. Among the items of evidence which prove this point are dictaphone recordings of Mr. Madigan’s mellifluous snores, a beautiful specimen being produced during McLinden’s third from the last speech.
As a contrast to the slender Mad-igan’s nonchalant disinterest in the proceedings, George “Tarzan” llalla-han, Beveidy Lack, Charles Dumas, and Billy Gillespie spend entirely too much time in the senate chamber, Gramby charges. This making a club of the senate chamber has got to stop. Janitors occasionally clean it, and after all, even solons should eat.
Elaine Preston and Helene Putnam have disgraced the senate, in Gram-by’s well-informed opinion, when they staged that knock-down drag-out hair-pulling battle all over the senate floor at the last meeting.
All-American Boy Kills Self
Oh yes; another exception to the ouster order was one James Appleby Orr, who, unfortunately, commited suicide last week, just in time to miss the bust-up. Orr was meditating on the possibilities of putting a dictaphone in the grating by the library arch when the temptation became too great for him and he jumped himself. In a note left behind he explained that he had been reading Miss Methane’s interview with the congressman and suddenly realized that he was so Unamerican he had better Dies.
Gramby submitted photostat copies however, of the mid-term examinations in every subject and business cards of all six honor court members, the chief justice, and the clerk suggesting that copies of exam questions as well as pedigreed foreign language poines might be had from them at the cheapest rates.
This Leaves Lovett
There were a few senators and other debris left over when Gramby had finished his tirade. Parkinson and all of the other were arraigned on general principles, which is almost as good a place to be arraigned on as a desert.
The only Senator not covered in one of Gramby’s regular allegory was Bunny Lovett. Gramby didn’t have the heart to make that senate-lover hear the awful words for the last time, “I move we adjourn.” Here, have a drag on this before I throw it away.
SOCIALLY SPEAKING
[CONTINUED FROM PAGE2 FOUR]
Berthe Neham held out for fizzes.
On the Calendar: On Friday night the Vigilance committee (Oops, I mean the Sophomore class) will give free to the boy bringing the best a barn dance at Ponce de Leon gymnasium. A cow will be given away milkmaid.
Sunrise Service as the Phi Alphas had charge of devotions. No liquor was served at the party.
Many, many more happy Fools’ days.