Miami Hurricane, April 01, 1988

              Happy April Fools’ Day!
Every year since the late-1920s, The Miami Hurricane has put out an April Fools’ Day edition... and here is the 1988 model! Some stories in this issue are fake, and they are meant in fun. Please don’t be offended. You should have seen what was cut out! All advertising, as always, is real.
Sting ticket sweeps race
CSR referendum passes as 1,877 students turn out to vote
By CAREN BURMEISTER
Contributing Editor
Down come the posters, off go the T-shirts, up go the balloons. University of Miami Student Government campaigns are over.
The Sting ticket captured all but two positions, the nursing and architecture senate seats. Each of the top three positions received the required 50 percent of the vote.
The referendum to aliocate $10 of the student activity fee as a maintenance fee to the proposed addition of the Lane Recreation Center passed by a vote of 1358-515.
Freddie Stebbins, Lora Davella and Mike Novo, all of the Sting yicket are next year’s SG president. vice president and treasurer.
New to the elections this year was a third polling area outside Eaton Residential College. The SG Senate passed the bill to establish the third area in response to high expectations for voter turnout.
Students voting at this poll used check sheets which had to be hand
counted. The other two polls used punch cards which were counted by a computer in downtown Miami, said Dave Brown, director of Student Activities and advisor for elections.
Adam Stolarsky, one of the election commissioners who moni-tered the new polling area, said the third poll didn't draw many voters except for a number of architecture students and some Eaton residents.
The third poll did create a need for more election commissioners, Stolarsky said. The commission must have at least one commissioner supervising each poll at any given time to supervise the voting.
Although the voter turnout at Eaton was not high, the poll at the Whitten University Center was busy.
"Our turnout has been good," said Frank Mestre, a commissioner at the Union poll. He estimated that over 1,000 students voted within the two days.
The election commission has assessed four points against the
Sting ticket. Commissioners say they have received 28 other complaints against the four tickets, but don't know whether points will be imposed from the complaints.
Any ticket or candidate who receives more than 10 points of infractions against election commission policies is disqualified from an SG election.
Each ticket is allowed to donate up to $2,900 toward its own campaign: $500 by the presidential candidate, $300 by the vice president, $200 by the treasurer and $100 by each senator running.
Financial reports must be filed twice by the candidates. The final report was due Friday and no additional spending was allowed after that day.
Freddie Stebbins, who ran for president on the Sting ticket, said $500 was a lot to spend on the campaign. “But this |experience) is a class that is worth more than $300 a credit," Stebbins said.
The winner of the presidential campaign will receive full tuition
remission.
Mestre said "vague language" is used to explain the official policies concerning campaign expenditures. "We can't count every campaign T-shirt worn, but advertising not listed with the commission will be charged against the candidate,” Mestre said.
“A great deal of the campaign is operated on the honor system,” Brown said.
According to election procedures, overspending or unauthorized campaign articles used by any candidate or candidates will result in the immediate disqualification of that candidate.
Brown said he took the ballot box home with him Wednesday night so that nobody coud tamper with the votes.
"In the past, Brenda Smith would take them home with her and put them under her bed," Brown said. Smith, who died Nov. 30. 1987, oversaw the election commission in past years.
SG election results
These are the winners of the Student Government elections held Tuesday and Wednesday. ‘S' stands for the Sting ticket, and V means the Vision ticket. The total number of voters was 1877. The referendum allocating $10 a semester for a proposed addition to the Lane Recreation Center passed by a vote of 1358 For it and 515 Against.
PRESIDENT		BUSINESS	
Freddie Stebbins (S) 1185		Melanie Bostic (S).	...243
	(63%)	Todd Rogers (S)		...223
VICE PRESIDENT Lora Davella (S)		.1001 (55%)	COMMUNICATION Fred Karlinsky(S)....	.136
TREASURER Mike Novo (S). 1005 (55%)		EDUCATION; Martha Zimmerman (S)..9	
		ENGINEERING	
SENIOR Tim Iszler(S)		...241	Roque Martin (S)		.126
Ali Koshy (S)	 JUNIOR	....251	MUSIC Jordan Pech (S)		.44
Ken DeMoor (S)		.268	NURSING	
Charles Herbert (S)	....249			9
		Carol Thompson (V)	
ARCHITECTURE			
Ramon Trias (V)			57	SG PRODUCTIONS	
		Carmen DeCardenas (S).	
ARTS AND SCIENCES			960
Dean Furman (S)....	...409	Debbie Getson(S)...	.1018
Beth Susi (S)		. .415	Raquel Hardi (S)		...933
Roy Weinfeld (S)		367	Erik Huey (S)		.972
A UM student rejoices at the school’s number one• ranking. For further information, please see page 2.
High in the sky
ERIK BUTTS/Hurricane Staff
Select students advise freshmen
New psychology class teaches students to counsel undecided majors
By KAY HOWELL
Staff Writer
A new 300-level psychology course beginning this fall will allow students in the University of Miami's College of Arts and Sciences to advise undecided freshmen for credit.
Maureen Biggers, director of academic advising at the University of Miami, said freshmen who have not decided their majors withdraw from UM at a higher rate than those who declare majors.
Biggers and Dr. Lori Blum, clinical psychologist at the Counseling Center, will coordinate the course to teach 45 students how to guide undecided students to find a major at UM.
The students chosen for the course, mostly upperclassmen, underwent a full day of training last Saturday. They wilt have another
training session in April and will return to campus early this fall to further prepare for counseling students.
Next semester, the peer advisors will keep a journal and write a research paper, Biggers said. She said the idea for the course was inspired by her belief in the effectiveness of peer counseling.
Blum said the course objectives are “to help peer advisers develop skills in communication, peer advising and the development process,” and for freshmen, "to facilitate adjustment to the University."
Each peer advisor will be assigned six new students and the peer advisors will be assisted by faculty advisors, Biggers said. The peer advisors will meet once a month with the students until they declare a major.
“The average college student changes majors three times," Biggers explained. She
expressed the hope that the advisors would provide support and identify where "pre-majors" need to be referred for proper assistance in order to make a well-developed decision about a major.
Biggers and Blum mailed applications to all majors in the College of Arts and Sciences who will be juniors or seniors next semester. A few sophomores also received applications.
Biggers said they were looking for caring, self-motivated students with leadership ability, a declared major, interest in psychology research and a grade point average of at least 3.0.
Sophomore psychology major Cheryl Celen-tano was an academic counselor in high school and said she is excited about the challenge to “learn how to help people without imposing morals" that she thinks the peer advising will provide.
Nursing School enrollment decreasing
By MICHELE RUDMAN
Staff Writer
The need for nurses is increasing steadily as fewer students enroll in nursing programs offered throughout the country and opt for more lucrative careers. University of Miami administrators say.
The UM School of Nursing is no exception. “Between 1983 and the present time enrollments are down 50 percent," said Dr. Frances Keen, associate dean of the School of Nursing.
Presently, 60 undergraduate students are enrolled in the School of Nursing and between 60 and 70 registered nurses are pursuing master’s or doctorate degrees.
"We’ve had two graduations a year, averaging around 20 to 25 students in each class," Keen said of past years. However, only 14 students will probably graduate this May.
One reason for such low enrollment in recent years is the women’s movement, Keen said. A lot of different fields are open to women now that "traditionally weren’t open to them." For example, women who previously went into nursing now enter business.
According to Keen, college students are aiming for “big financial rewards, rather than service-oriented careers."
However, nursing students have the advantage of a wide open field due to a shortage of nurses.
“Employment after graduation is guaranteed," Keen said.
The shortage of nurses “is a big problem,” Keen said. Due to government regulations, patients can only stay at a hospital for a certain number of days, “so we need more nurses because the patients are sicker.”
Keen said most nursing students choose the field because they like to help people and have a strong interest in health careers.
Senior Patricia Brinson said she likes nursing “because it is a challenging field and 1 have an opportunity to work in any place in the world.”
Seventy percent of all nurses work in hospitals. “One of the reasons for that is that patients in
hospitals are the sickest, and they require 24-hour-a-
day care,” Keen said.
Intensive care units have an average ratio of two patients to every nurse. “That will really vary with the different types of units, and how sick the patients are," Keen said. In other hospital units, the ratio is five to six patients to each nurse.
Nurses can also find employment in health departments, private homes and clinics, industries and business, schools and universities.
The national average starting salary for nurses is about $22,000, Keen said. Due to the present shortage of nurses, "salaries are increasing all over the country and starting salaries in some hospitals in the Northeast are around $40,000."
Pharmacy to sell illegal drugs
By BARBARA BONG
Stoned and stupid
In an effort to lower tuition costs and help save the Health Center pharmacy, the University of Miami administration has approved a plan to sell illegal drugs to the students.
Stupid Government President Bill Be-f	.	hindbarz, out
f	- on parole this
^	week, was in-
fluential in the decision and said he thought it was a good idea. "Just like when we wanted to sell the condoms to students, we are now both	providing	a service and
helping the University."
Public Unsafety officer Ed Who-dat disagreed. “I don’t think we can advocate the use of illegal drugs by students.” However, he noted that the lack of officers on campus will prevent the arrests of users.
Provost Luis Glazedonut said the money from the sale of ihe drugs will be allocated to the Stupid Anal Fixation Activities Committee In this manner, all students,
April
Fools!
not just drug users, will benefit from the sale.
"Personally, I think this is a great way to kick off our ’Say yes to drugs' campaign," Glazedonut said. “We may not have to raise tuition next year, but instead the health fee could go up.”
The drugs to be sold include marijuana, cocaine and Marriott chocolate pudding.
UM President Edward T. Footnote expressed concern that students may become hooked on the drugs and become more apathetic than they are now. “We want students to remain as active as they are now.” Footnote said. “But, we'll be happy as long as they don't protest.”
Health Center Director Dr. Eugene Flipper said the drugs appear to be popular with students. "We were beginning to run out of Percodan anyway," he said. “This way. all students can feel good, not just the clumsy ones."
The first shipment arrived last week; however, keeping the drugs in stock seems to be a problem. "Around finals, we seem to mysteriously lose uppers," Flipper said.
Dean of Enrollments Deborah Olpear-Tree said the University's image should improve dramatically. "Drug users are people too,” she said "They don't have the time or the energy to get a tan."
ERIK CHEECKS/HurHcane Staff
UM students receive a delivery for the Health Center pharmacy.
Editor takes life on behalf of paper
She just couldn’t take it anymore
By HELEN WHEELS
Contra Editor
In a desperate attempt to fill a void on the front page of her college newspaper, Mange News Editor Mabee Imahoc took her	life
Wednesday night. Imahoe was 34-and-a-half years old.
The University community was shocked at the news."She was so dedicated," said one of her collègues, Karen de Krout. "She did it so we wouldn't have to plug the front page with an ad,” de Krout said.
Friends remember Imahoe best for her famous line: "I can't stands no more, I can't stands no more!”
Imahoe died choking on her own words.
April
Fools!
Dodd Clause, managing editor of The Mange, said he feels partly
responsible for the suicide. "I shouldn't have given the news section so many pages to fill,” Clause muttered as tears streaked
his cheeks.
"But, but, but...I don’t under-
stand," said Barber Ballen, associate news editor, after hearing the bad news.
Imahoe has been editing The
Mange for 12 years. Her associates feared she saw no bylines in her future.
A wake for Imahoe will be held all year in the newsroom, as editors try to drink away their sorrows at her death. If anyone can get off work, a funeral might be held
Said Ballen, "We’ll honor her by working twice as hard at the next
deadline."
Her hobbies include drinking at Duffles, smoking at Ludwig's and sniffing glue between stories.
Imahoe is survived by no one. They all of died of various forms of liver disease at Karlsburger Alcohol Rehabilitation Center.
She willed her vast collection of stuffed pigs to Ole MacDonald's farm tn South Dade