Quipper, No. 15, February 1983

              NO. IS FEB.’83
MAN OF THE YEAR
Crafty, intelligent, bold, dedicated, and out on bail pending prosecution: these words are but wayward arrows en route to a description of former flight attendant Bill ’’William” Coh(e)n, QUIPPER's first Man-of-the-Year.
The story is, by now, familiar to everyone. With the help of several insiders at the Plight Service Office in Miami, Bill obtained a Pan Am I.D. card and uniform. He started showing up at the last minute for flights and, as an integral mule in the flight service team, worked his way throughout Pan Am’s world.
But every tragic hero has a fatal flaw. Bill's was this: he did the job too well. Pat Cody, of Pan Am's Consumer Action Office, was inundated with letters that praised the exceptional work of ”Coh(e)n the Conscientious”. But where was his Employee Work Jacket (EWJ)? There existed no file in which to place the ever-mounting paper pyramids of praise! And so, TIME'S man-of-the-year was put on the case. Soon the Computer discovered that Bill Coh(e)n was not employed by Pan Am.
This information was handed over to the Feds — who nabbed our man at the downtown ticket office in Miami and placed him under arrest.
Almost overnight, the System-wide Flight Service Commendation-to-Complaint Ratio fell from 7-to-1 to 5-to-2. And on January 15th, it was announced that all Coh(e)n commendations had been subtracted from the 1982 total — leaving Flight Service with a readjusted C-to-C Ratio of 3-to-2 for the year.
The figures are startling. However, it is not only because of Mr. Coh(e)n's aboard-aircraft good deeds that we present him to you as our Man-of-the-Year. Undoubtedly, Billy represents something far greater than the exceptionally efficient in-flight serf: Bill Coh(e)n is the future of Pan Am personified. For if this airline is to survive, thousands of employees will be needed — employees who are willing to work long hours for the occasional smile, a brief letter of encouragement signed by President Acker, and... NO PAY!!!!!
Bill "William” Coh(e)n, it's been a pleasure working with you!
We honor you for setting an example we all must follow!
THE S.O.B. (SATIRICAL OPERATIONAL BULLETIN)
Of course, we in Flight Service take special delight in reading the MOB, waiting on those proverbial pins and needles for the next issue to arrive. But here at QUIPPER, we thought you'd enjoy that same publication with a slightly different slant. So, as a New Year's tribute to the Miami Headquarter's staff, we'd like to offer this excerpt from the first SOB.
Dear Fellow Employees:
I like to be thought of as the kind of woman whom others think of us as someone who thinks the way others think she ought to think, or at least thought she thinks the way they think.
I think I am an independent woman. I strive for clarity in my messages to you. And I like to be brief. So, go for it this year, kids! We love you here at headquarters.
Clearly yours,
Princess Di
Update On Early Retirement
A fond farewell and best wishes to our friends and co-workers throughout Flight Service who have taken early retirement but don't know it. We're sure going to miss not seeing you work — or, as it were, seeing you not work.
(Next month’s S.O.B. will feature: "Problem Solving: What's In It For You?")	. .
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