Quipper, No. 13 "Election Edition", November 1982

              NO. 13 NOV. ’82
ELECTION EDITION
SATIRE, POLITICS, AND THE QUIPPER ROLE
It is amazing how many flight attendants have asked us for whom to vote in the forthcoming Union election. With no one to rely upon for an intelligent assessment of the political situation, many people seem anxious to turn to QUIPPER for guidance. Of course we are flattered — even though our reputation is based upon our unreliability. Unlike the IUFA Newsletter or the Pan Am Newswire, we do not even pretend to present the facts. QUIPPER is a satirical publication.
Satire, ladies and gentlemen, is ’’the use of mocking or ironic wit to attack folly or wickedness” (as Webster would say). The Company and the Union seem to go out of their ways to give us material with which to work. Just read the MOB. Or consider the brouhaha the Union kicked up recently: they encouraged us not to take Leaves, then tried to grab all of the credit for the (Company’s) LOA Program when we ignored their wishes.
If there is a QUIPPER position in all of this, it is pro-Flight Attendant. This does not mean that we are anti-Union or anti-Company.
But we are against the political system as it currently exists around here — for, in Pan Am’s (diminishing) World, politics is the art of promoting conflict between Union and Management, rather than cooperation. This places the Flight Attendant in a ’’house divided against itself” and forces QUIPPER to resort to satire — in order to acquire a humorous detatchment from the potentially lethal, all-surrounding FOLLY.
None of the candidates for Union office appears ready to adopt a REALPOLITIK: a position that acknowledges the disasterous chasm between Union and Company, one that is willing to take steps toward reconciliation in an effort to foster communal (ie. Corporate) survival. We cannot support self-serving unrealists. In the unlikely event that QUIPPER were to endorse a candidate for political office, he or she would have to be profoundly humorous, quick-witted, intelligent and unegotistical — in short: a QUIPPER editor.
ESOP’S FABLE # 1: LOSING- A MEMBER
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Stew, Princess Di called forth her three strongest she-dogs, AFo, SNo, and EDo.
"We are in sad and desperate times in the Land of Stew,” said Princess Di. ’’What will each of you do to make me happy?”
At once AFo — who was a most conniving she-dog — spoke up.
’’Why, m’lady, I know how you love purple. I shall sally forth to all the lands and create for you a regal new color that will make your clothes and countenance even more beautiful!” And so AFo went out among the people for several months and, after much trial and (even more) error, she merged Blue with Orange. Then she returned to the palace with her new color.
"Why, this won’t do at all!” roared Princess Di. "This is the ugliest, murkiest shade of purple I have ever seen!" Whereupon, she whacked off the leg of AFo, who fell to the floor with a squishy thump.
Meanwhile SNo, who had never done much of anything except commute back and forth from East Stew to West Stew, continued to Do Nothing. So Princess Di whacked off SNo’s leg, dismembering her for such impertinence.
Then EDo, who managed the kingdom’s coffers, said, "M’lady, I shall bring you five per cent more gold pieces from every she-dog in the land.”
And Princess Di said, "That would be nice.”
So EDo went out and raised the taxes on all inhabitants of Stew by ten per cent: five per cent for the Princess and five per cent for herself, AFo and SNo. When she returned to the palace, Princess Di was blind with rage. "You miserable, selfish wretch! Do you think I don’t know what you’ve done? You've assessed these poor Stews twice and kept half for yourself!” And she whacked off both of EDo’s legs (who, forever after, had nothing to stand on).
One week later, after much soul-searching, Princess Di granted her first audience to a he-dog named DeNo. And she asked DeNo, "What shall you do to make me happy?"
And DeNo replied, "I shall reward the good people of Stew. And if that does not please you, then you shall have my member too.”
THE MORAL OF THIS FABLE IS: If you don’t know what you're doing or if you do nothing at all, you could lose more than face; you might, in fact, be DISMEMBERED.